When the sun comes out again…

 

 

 

Life is like one big storm that doesn’t last long.

You’ll feel like its swallowing you up at times.

You’ll be confused.

Because every piece of the sky tells a different story at the exact same moment.

But none of the clouds are lying.

Life is both ominous and amazing all at the same time.

The clouds keep moving.

And if you look for them, there are these almost invisible signs along the way that will make you feel that

heaven is all around you

and make you believe that even the rain, the storms of life, are planned.

That the sun will come out again.

~These last two weeks have been filled with so much sadness, but also filled with more hope  than imaginable.

I’ve never been more sure  of heaven,

that life is just the storm

and that there’s a beautiful rainbow waiting for us after it’s all over

 

Twenty Thirteen

my favorite LIFE Lessons of 2013:

1. People can only be as Happy for YOU as they are Happy WITH themselves.  This is 100% my most re-accruing lesson of 2013.  I’ve had some really big highs this year and kind of imagined everyone I knew & loved just high-fiving the shit out of me, but most of those people didn’t even acknowledge some really huge successes and events in my life…

And yet, there were complete strangers that I met this year that flew arms around me in happiness for me at times.  After being slightly confused when this happened and feeling more than a little “W.T.F.?”, I started to understand that “it’s not me, it’s them”, and felt less offended.

2.You can’t defog someone’s Happiness Gauge.  It seems like there are so many people who have every ingredient to happiness (ei: they woke up breathing…) and they just don’t want to do happy.  You can’t help them. You can do nice things for them, you can love them and lift them up as much as you think you can, and you can point out that their happiness gauge isn’t broken, but you cannot de-fog the glass of the actual Happiness Gauge.  They will only see what they want to see.

3. Its okay to connect more with people who you know less about.  I’ve felt more love and joy this year spending time with some legit strangers than I had spending time with people….. well… I won’t say who.  But I spent part of 2013 feeling guilty about this and trying to explain my sudden instant connections along with trying to force relationships with those who I just think I ought to be around. And then I realized, I don’t have to spend time with anyone, it’s who I choose to spend my time with in this life.  And if I selectively limit that to being around non-judgmental, goofy and loving souls, that’s ok!

4. True Friends will Always Understand:  It wasn’t abnormal for me to dodge out of dinner plans because of a severe upset stomach before 2013, but this year I missed way bigger plans from being sick and it just sucked. I felt awful about missing some really big things. And although I would have showed up for a beach-bachelorette-weekend while on medication that was labeled: “Danger: AVOID sun exposure“, luckily I had a best friend who said “there’s no way your coming!!!” and understood all of my health obstacles of 2013….

(((And then understood again when Shane got the Flu and we missed ringing in the much anticipated 2014 together. =(  and now 2014 will just have to have extra celebrations =) ))

5. Always, no matter what, have gratitude in your heart.  In June, I got to have a drink with an amazing man who survived Cancer.  I asked him how he stayed positive during the whole thing, and he said, simply, “Gratitude.”  Even during all of the pain and falling apart, he was out loud thankful for “the lesson”- even when he didn’t know WHAT the lesson was.  (um… because here’s a “heads-up“: you almost NEVER know what the lesson is when you’re in the middle of it…) anyways, I truly felt what he was saying and whole heartedly agreed. Every drunken part of me was like “yes. this.is.soooo.true!” And it was as if God was sitting at that very next bar stool over hearing our conversation and said “Hey, alright, Tess! I’m so glad you’re feeling what I’m throwing down here, and now I’ll give you a chance to practice this gratitude thing too…” And a few weeks later, I would get my gratitude training wheels and learn to steer through some pretty big life lessons.

Gratitude is the hands down most amazing thing I’ve learned from 2013.  You can be lying in a bed in pain and not able to eat or sleep, but if you have gratitude for something, anything…. even for just the lesson that you don’t know your even learning but your future self will appreciate in some way, then your heart is full.   There were days when I really felt like I wasn’t “getting it” (I still had training wheels, remember?) and I’d let out a long-whiney-and-in-pain-but-mostly-confused-Nancy-Kerrigan-worthy-“Waaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyy…?!” but then I’d find something to be grateful for and settle back into a relaxed inner calm to riding out the wave. =)

and the most amazing thing about gratitude is that the more you’re grateful for, the more blessings come your way (or maybe it’s because your eyes get opened to the little things that mean the most!)

So instead of resolutions this year we are going to fill a Gratitude Jar with everything that surprised us, warmed our hearts, and made us laugh in 2014 and open the jar up next new years day…. =)

(Can’t wait to see what 2014 will bring!)

For the love of RICE…

I’ve been HUGELY interested in learning the effects of energy and vibrations on the human body.  I’ve had a lot of time to read, watch, and “google” my little heart out lately and I’m always drawn to the “mystery sciences”.  So I thought I’d share this gem I stumbled upon while researching Masaru Emoto’s; this is his rice experiment.  It proves how energy & vibrations (thoughts and words) effect rice.

YES, rice.

So here’s the experiment: (TEACHERS: PAY CLOSE ATTENTION- you can do this in your class the first week of school!)

YOU WILL NEED: 3) Mason jars or similar containers

• Label 1: “LOVE”
• Label 2: “HATE”
• Label 3: (nothing, leave this one blank it will be completely ignored as a “control”)

* You can label them any way you want: a sharpie on Tupperware, a masking tape on a jar, I did mine by printing tiny labels of all sorts of loving and hateful words and sticking on my rice jars:

Then you put cooked rice in each container. (confession: I tried a short cut by not cooking the rice and I did my experiment with 1/2 uncooked rice and 1/2 water, it still worked the same but the cooked rice will give you quicker results) You can leave the containers open or closed. The experiment will work either way.

WHAT TO DO NEXT:

Easy, all you do is set these jars next to each other where you will see them everyday, and at least once a day say the words on the jar to the rice.  It will be silly at first- but say the word/words like you mean them with full intention and emotion.  TEACHERS can set these jars at the entrance of their classroom and have all of the students acknowledge the jars when they come and go. (uh, except that third one remember? You’re supposed to ignore that one!)

WEEK 1: You’ll have an “ah-what-the-hell-is-happening” moment.  Don’t freak out- this rice is NOT going to climb out of the jar and divulge nuclear secrets, but it IS holding onto some crazy science shit right now!

The “hate” rice will start to grow mold. Intense Mold. Mine started within a week, and TEACHERS with a classroom of 30 or so kids talking to it every day it should grow even faster.  The “love” rice with smell floral and sweet, without green, black, or red mold; it looks good enough to eat! And the ignored rice will get almost as smelly as the “hate” rice.  (Because it stinks to be ignored.) The experiment is meant to last 30 days, but fair warning the “hate” rice WILL smell so bad that you may gag from across the room.

THE HOW: The science of it is explained by energy and vibrations in water.  Everything on earth is made up of energy. The human body is full of energy and is about 60% WATER; children and babies are up to 70% water!   So by using positive and negative words (which have energy) and putting them into the rice (which when cooked is mostly water), it shows a reaction to the words that even a kid can see and understand.

You probably can believe that words have energy because of the way you feel when you say them right? (I rather enjoyed using the “hate” rice to vent/scream into on bad days!) But can you believe the effect that those words can have on you in as little as a week!? And what about thoughts? Do you believe that your thoughts have energy and can affect you and other people you’re near? Ever been in a room where people seemed calm and collected but you could almost choke on the tension? And how many times have you been around someone that you love dearly but they are just completely draining? They don’t even have to be saying or doing anything negative but being around them makes you feel… exhausted?  It’s probably because they’re thinking negative things!  Like: “I hate my job, I hate my car, I hate my life, I hate my body, I hate..” …I mean the amount of negative self talk that each of us say to ourselves everyday is overwhelming and SO DAMAGING.

And guess what those negative thoughts are doing? They are literally rotting you = because YOU ARE the RICE.

So for the love of RICE, stop rotting yourself and others around you!  Choose positive thoughts & words and it will slowly start to change your life.

(Google “rice experiment by Masaru Emoto” if you want more experiment results and further info! or leave your question in the comments!)

When Life gives you LEMONS: use them to help you Fight LYMES…

Life’s been coming at me hard…

and I’ve been coming at life slow, real slow… okay, some days not at all.

LYME Disease BITES. 

I’m almost 30 days into my antibiotics and still have a pretty clear memory of the Patients First doctors telling me 14 days on meds and I’ll be good.

Not.so.much. Day 28 still feels like Day 2. =(

So naive!  I’ve known so many people with Chronic Lymes, but I thought this was the sort of “short-term-problem-because-I-found-it-early-version” of Lymes….and that it surely wouldn’t be this….. hard.  urgh.

For those who have never known anyone with Lymes Disease, (actually no, because someone with Lymes can look completely healthy to you but be suffering an insane amount on the inside… so…)

for those of you who have never HAD Lymes Disease, it’s not as cookie cutter as you think.

Most people think lymes is one thing- no it’s like 8-10 other strains of bacteria that might come with it. They all have different names, similar symptoms, but can NOT all be treated the same way.

Most people think you get a rash – no, only 50% of people get a rash.

Most people think once you have Lymes disease it’s like having the flu for a week and then you get medicine and feel better- no. maybe if the flu were training to be a UFC fighter and freakin gut-punched you for 2 months straight.   (honestly I think most people with the standard flu are ready to tap out after day 3 or 4 and just in time for it to get better… these people have no lymin’ idea..)

And along with co-infections, everyone’s body is going to handle this disease differently.  So with me already having an auto-immune disease + Lymes = my immune system has basically given up on life and I have to do everything I can to coax it back to the party. Meanwhile the “party” is getting a bit out of hand.  These little gross bacterias have welcomed themselves into the homes of not just blood cells but they’ve broken the blood-brain barrier like a con breaking out of prison. They are elusive and now are making their way to hide out into places like the brain and spinal fluid.  But not for long.

(Kind of reminds me of a little series I’ve become addicted to while being sick: “I Almost Got Away With it”.)

These little gross bacteria may be eluding the antibiotics and my immune system may be blind to their trail, but their break out wont last long.  😉  I got new antibiotics yesterday! Bring on the herxing! (HERX:

Exacerbation of the symptoms as an apparent direct response to antibiotics. This phenomenon is known as the Jarisch-Herxheimer Reaction and is often referred to informally as herx or herxing.

Herxing is believed to occur when injured or dead bacteria release their endotoxins into the blood and tissues faster than the body can comfortably handle it. This provokes a sudden and exaggerated inflammatory response.)

So that’s where the lemons come in as the hero:

Lemon + water = the best for flushing toxins

Lemon Balm Oil = an extract of the plant is super at helping with the nausea, muscle cramp, fogginess & depression. Overall it’s really calming, which is an important state of mind when you’re constantly on the mouth sweating verge of vomiting.

So glad I found this little guy.  I’ve been practically bathing in it and will most deff cheers to its aid with a lemondrop martini as soon as I can drink again 😉

FAITH: Grandpa’s Never Ending Lesson

I used to think My Grandpa’s lessons in Faith were about drives to church, sunday school discussions, and teaching us prayers at night…..

(….I remember the first times we prayed together: Megan and I weren’t even old enough to understand what prayers really were, where they went, or how they got there, when Grandpa would sit on the edge of the bed between Meggie and I at night- before our sleep-overs turned into unstoppable giggles- and he’d help us put our palms together in prayer and have us recite after him.  There were parts of what he said that we didn’t understand and words we couldn’t pronounce.  But he’d explain it..and then we’d ask more questions, and then he’d explain those too…).

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But, As I grow older in life & grow in my faith, I find there is so much more.

And I can appreciate lessons that I never realized he was teaching me.

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Like planting a garden.  I remember helping Grandpa plant, water and weed his garden in the summers (my least favorite being the weeding of course).  And how fun it was climbing in between the bushes of different plants and picking wherever area he would point at to look in.  I always thought he was the BEST Grandpa for letting me do the funnest part of gardening; search and rescue.  Lifting leaves bigger than my arms, branches of bushes, and looking for whatever size and color, as he explained, meant that they were “ready”.  Having beans, zucchini, and tomatoes let loose so easily from the vine and holding them up like an earth trophy.

I didn’t understand then how much faith and nurturing went into each and every plant.  Last month I planted a garden. The soil here is 90% rocks.  The cats ate the seeds that I started indoors, and the rocks already having planted themselves in the garden area almost deterred me completely.  But it wouldn’t feel like summer if I didn’t have something to pick…

Some of the seeds I couldn’t even cover with dirt- let alone the 2 inches of “nutrient filled soil” the seed packets suggested- because there was too much rock, so I laid them down on top of the earth, watered, and just had faith…

(this little fighter of a  green bean plant is now 6″ tall!)

(I love the garden this year, I wake up every morning and can’t wait to visit and hang out in it while I water.  I’ve made every section like a separate room, with walking paths and sitting areas. And you might be able to tell, I’ve added larger rocks to the paths to make the rest of the rocks in the garden look smaller…)

 

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Then there’s the  lessons of Faith he taught me through death…

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I think a lot about the last few years of my Grandpa’s life.  They were the hardest times of his life in SO so SO many ways, and the hardest times for everyone in our family too.  I can’t count the times that I drove away from that house after spending time with him…and just cried.  And I know it was hard on everyone else.  But in his last few years, as hard as it was, my favorite memories with him were born, because we became such good friends.  And as he was able to do less and less, I was able to re-teach him things that he had originally taught me.  He couldn’t do much at all, but he could still talk, and we talked about so many different things….

When he passed away on the 8th, I knew it wasn’t a coincidence.  I knew that Megan’s 8th heaven-birth-date and Grandpas 8th heaven-birth-date meant something.  And it took a few weeks until I researched the symbolism of the number 8 in the bible…. and it was to me,  his strongest lesson in Faith:

In the Bible the number 8, symbolizes a new beginning, or a new order of things, a new creation, a new birth, and the resurrection to Eternal Life. 

An 8 laid down, is the symbol for infinity. 

I wear a sideways 8 ring everyday (and made this matching infinity bracelet)

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The never ending lesson in Faith…..

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I miss Grandpa a lot.  And as I get older I appreciate the little things so much more.  I wonder a lot if he’d be proud of me and what I’m doing now even if it isn’t a “real job” with a retirement plan, insurance, and even if my bank account can be overflowing one day and completely drained the next….  I really don’t think he’d like that at all…

But today, Uncle Dave gave me a “present from Grandpa”:

An antique stamping set that he had found in Grandpa’s garden shed…

(I can’t really figure out why Grandpa even had these tools….  He wasn’t into metal work or wood work. He did like to be organized and label things though, and the only explanation i can think of is that he bought the set to stamp into metal markers or wood markers to label his garden.)

…and I don’t think there could have been a more obvious sign that I’m on the right track.

It’s the exact kind of tools I use everyday in my business….and after just hiring my cousin part time for the summer (yay!), I think he’d be really proud of not just that I’ve “made it” in business, but that I’m doing some other things right too.

I’ll admit that I’ve been second guessing certain things and stressing a lot about the future lately, but this really brought me back to appreciate his never ending lesson…….

If you’re Happy and you know it…

5 Things I’ve done in the last 6 months to make my life even more insane-ly happy…

 

1. I’ve stopped listening to the media. The media is 90% fear based, whether it’s actual news or just news about possible maybe soon to be news. I no longer read online news or political blogs, and I avoid morning,evening, and late night t.v. news.  See, I used to get stuck watching the evening and world news 4-5 times a week working at the Restaurant, and I actually really liked being “aware” of the current events. But, really all I was aware of were the negative things that already happened and the fear lying in all of the things that might-maybe-someday-happen (what if they do?! and what if they don’t?! ah! It’s an emotional roller coaster of the hypothetical!) .  But, since I quit at the Restaurant I’ve just been happier not knowing about all of these disasters, possible nuclear threats, and…honestly I cherish the 3 weeks longer it took me to find out about the Kardasian-Kanye mixed breed that was discovered to be humanly incubating.

 

2. I’ve chosen to make “HOPE” and “COMPASSION” my fall back emotions.  In a day- you can’t choose the things that you will encounter or that will happen to you, but you can choose your reactions.  It took some time, especially “COMPASSION” (not that i wans’t compassionate before), but it takes alot to say “aww than poor man” when someone is making fun of a stranger for something that he can’t be at fault for, or when someone is gossiping about what someone said, who did what, and how…well you get the point.  Rather than getting hung up on the gossip, I just find the compassion to not go there. It took alot of mental training, I mean the world is kind of programmed to judge people. But- here’s my tip: I had to start with an “aww” and then find the things that produced compassion in me for that person.  Maybe you couldn’t excuse their actions but you could understand and feel for the awful childhood and missed lessons on life someone must have had.  Every scenario is different, but I assure you that there can be compassion found in every one.   “HOPE” I’ve found is an excellent re-placer for worry.  My GOD, can I work up a worry if I get started on something. I mean a web of worry can take no more than a minute and I’m already three years into my hypothetical situation gone wrong and working on worrys stemming from the original worry in the hypothetical.  I mean sometimes it can be REALLY so far into it, that it’s hard to come back from. But I’ve been working on recognizing worry as a fear based emotion and switching it to “well lets hope”.  Because in the end…whats going to happen isn’t going to be swayed by the amount of time, pie charts, and projected loss that your worry analysis came up with.  It’s just not.

 

3. I hug a lot of animals. We all need hugs. They don’t have to be people hugs.

 

4. I’ve started Meditating.  Previously, I thought meditation was for two types of people: 1. Those on EXTREME spiritual journeys who took vows of silence. 2. Those on a hippie high sitting in a circle of love.

I didn’t understand the whole universe of health and balance that it can produce.  It really is amazing and life changing.  I’ve become calmer, more grounded, overall balanced, healthier, and I’ve begun to really listen to myself and care more about my whole body mind and soul.  And meditating outside, listening to the birds and feeling the sun while sitting on the earth, it just really puts things into perspective and helps to bring me back to center.  I open my eyes and suddenly really GET that the deadlines I had: aren’t the end of the world, that I was over-reacting about _____, and that maybe I should do more ______” Because the thing is, by quieting your mind, you can then start to listen to your heart.  And your hearts got all the answers.  (you already knew that)

***Disclaimer: starting to meditate is hella-hard.  Don’t start and think that you should sit for 20 min or 45 min it’s IMPOSSIBLE.  Start with one minute of eyes closed deep breathing mind emptying silence and build up from there.  It took me at least 2 months to figure out what style of meditating was best for me. and sometimes 5 min of calm centered-ness is enough to make your whole day 100% better***

 

5. I’ve stopped my end of the day tradition of reviewing the checklist of things that I didn’t get done. I know there’s got to be other people like me:  You get to that point in the day/night where your just beating the hell out of yourself for (let’s be honest) the STUPIDEST things.  And those things add up, and then your going back to other things you never accomplished in the past 5 years, and really your just defenseless to your own memory of even the mildest failures (it’s insane how many bad things your memory can really retain about yourself!!!).

Anyways I have the hubby to thank on this one, because I started  saying some of these “but I didn’t get _____ done today, urgh I feel like such a waste” and he’d squash that with telling me what I did do great and ask me about what else I got done…..  And, geeze, when you put it THAT WAY, I’m kind of amaaaazing.

It took some time, but now I’m able to do a positive end of the day checklist on my own, and instead of saying “I didn’t do enough, I’m not enough” type thoughts I’m ending each day with a review of what I did do and how much good I got done, some days it IS harder than others and on those days I just start to say “I’m really proud of myself because______” …..and once again I’m back to feeling like I’m kind of amazing =)

 

 

 

I saw the Sign

You know it’s happened to you:  You’ve challenged whatever spirit or being or God with the all-powerful “what am I supposed to do about this, send me a sign!” and usually you wait a few moments and if a tree doesn’t fall or a booming voice speak out to you, you tend to just forget that you ever asked.

I’ve seen signs before but I’ve dismissed them as small and not really enough to change my life I guess.  But I’ve had so many this last week that I feel like the universe is shouting at me to wake up.

So sometimes I feel like my radio talks to me, not just the “omg I love this song it’s exactly what I wanted to hear right now” but song after song after song hitting on a certain theme or subject until I’m looking around the car for cameras like I’m on the Truman show or in a movie. And then this week when it happened I said out loud (when you drive anywhere before 6am you must talk aloud to stay awake) “wow is that a sign or what…“,  and I changed the radio station right after the song ended and the next station landed on Ace of Base “I saw the Sign” which I heard in its entirety. So I said, ok, that’s one….and I started counting. I’m up to about 10 now this week alone, and I the more I see the more I’m on board with this idea of change.

I won’t bore you with all of the other signs, you will probably think some of them are pretty silly and that’s ok because they weren’t meant for you 🙂  But I’m taking these signs and more into a new direction and putting focus on happiness, love, and creativity.

If you look at everything as though it’s a coincidence, then nothing is a blessing and you might miss something that’s hanging out there in the world just for you to see. And if you need a sign that a sign is in fact a sign, just ask.  But don’t dismiss it when that final sign does come!